So, I’ve decided not to attend my HS reunion this evening. I sort of have this feeling of guilt about it, which is really bugging me this afternoon. I suppose it’s because I feel obligated to go, that somehow I should feel that my not going might be indicative of some deep-seeded insecurity. And that I should go to prove that’s not the case.
More likely, I’m just being a mentalist. I like the person I’ve become quite a bit, and so with that, I’m cutting myself a break and not forcing myself to do something I just don’t think would be much fun.
When I was in HS I cared so much about what people thought. I never missed a dance, football game, or party - I would have sooner died. I am genuinely fond of many people that I graduated with, but I don’t think the experience of seeing some of them this weekend would be enough to offset all of the uncomfortable small talk I’d have to endure.
These days I’m pretty picky about who I spend my time with (online or off). If I spend my time with you, it means you enhance my life in some way. It’s true, because I really enjoy being alone. So what good could come from spending the evening getting drunk with a room full of people I’ve already chosen not to remain in contact with? Harsh, perhaps.
I realized that the only people who have asked me whether or not I’m going are either a) people that aren’t going and want to know they’re not the only ones or b) the people organizing. It occurred to me that the people organizing just want to do a good job and get bodies there, it isn’t so much about me.
On the flip side of this bizarre guilt I’m feeling, I also feel strangely liberated. Like when you decide to fire a client or quit your job - you feel kinda icky about it, but proud that you have the courage to do what’s best for you.
I decided to put a couple hundred bucks in my vacation fund today, figured I would have spent at least that on a new outfit and dozen or so martinis that would have been required.
