Chepooka.com

Elizabeth Edwards calls in to Hardball to ask Ann Coulter to stop being a hot mess of asshole.  It went something like this --

Elizabeth: “Surely you’re carbon based, Ann, so let me appeal to as one human being to another.  Please stop attacking my family, like about my dead son and stuff, that’s really hitting below the belt.  Let’s stick to the issues, that’s all we ask.”

Ann: “But you LOVE IT, riiiiiyyyt?  *giggle* I make ya’ll so much monaaayz! and that’s SO COOL RIIIIYYYT?”

Right, Ann. 

Ok don’t get mad at me or anything, but will you please quit pretending that you DON’T CARE! what Paris Hilton is doing?  While you’re at it, could you stop whining every time you see her on headline news because THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS GOING ON IN THE WORLD THEY SHOULD BE REPORTING!!!

Don’t front, ‘cause for realz, if everybody was that upset that about it, they would really report the important stuff.  Eager, ambitious young journalists who once dreamed of changing the world would not be reduced to waiting outside a prison for a spoiled heiress to walk to her car.  Next time you want to complain about this, read an article about “something more important” and strike up a conversation about that with your pals next time you join them for cocktails. 

I’m just sayin’.

xo, Chepooka

Thank you for the chin hair comments, you are teh awesome ...

I found a chin hair, I had no idea there were others ...

You have chin hair AND chickens?!

Wonder where I could keep a chicken ...

George W. Bush is a ass face ...

If I had my own chicken, and it made some eggs, what would the angry vegans think? ...

I wonder if I’ll get more chin hairs or if that was the only one ...

Maybe GNC has a supplement for that ...

Why are my fingers numb?  What’s that, a brain tumor?

Wonder if The Closer is on tonight?  I hate summer television, so much to memorize ...

Cary Grant was one handsome fellow, I’d’ve done ‘IM ...

Man this blog post is stupid ...

This weekend I continued my soul-searching about becoming a vegan.  Turns out, it’s quite a big change and there’s a lot more involved than just tossing out your cheddar and frozen chicken wings. 

I started by buying a couple of good cookbooks (Vegan with a Vengeance and Vegan Planet), figured I can’t live on Amy’s no-cheese pizza and tomato and avocado sandwiches forever.  I want to eat well and that’s going to require a commitment to planning, cooking and being super creative in the kitchen. 

This speaks to me for some reason.  I got REALLY excited at the notion that I can’t be a lazy-ass; that not cooking is not an option, it’s something I have to do.  Having restrictions on ingredients forces me to look at new foods I wouldn’t try otherwise (I bought my first butternut squash in my 37 years on the planet!) and to consider and experience new flavors for what they are.  I don’t want to be running around trying to make something taste like a hot dog or a grilled cheese sandwich (I don’t *get* that, yuck!) I want to open my mind to new experiences, and see how much I can kick ass in the kitchen. 

But, I made a lot of mistakes shopping, I spent WAY too much money.  Fuck.  I am new. 

Remember your first day of high school or college when you felt a little bit like a dork trying to find your way around?  That was me trying to navigate my way around unchartered food aisle territories. 

Me:  “Excuse me sir, dumb question, I want to use this on a pizza but I don’t know my way around an artichoke, what do I do?”
Gay couple interrupts:  “Oh honey, for pizza??!” “Get the jarred kind, it’s soooo much better!” *hand gestures fabulousness*
Italian Produce Guy:  “Oh no, no no no.  I’m Italian.  Pizza?  Oh my.  Come here, let me help you.” *takes me by hand and drags me to olive oil marinated artichoke hearts*

It’ll take awhile. 

Anyway, I bought stuff that was too expensive at all the wrong places for fear of looking stupid.  I spent the better part of a day shopping, then dashing out to pick up this that or the other.  It’ll take me awhile to figure out “my pantry” of staples and where to get produce at the best price, etc.  I’ll get better.

The way I figure, it breaks down to this:

Stuff to Put Stuff Stuff On
Pasta
Brown Rice
Tortillas
Bread
Pizza Dough

Stuff
Vegetables
Proteins (tofu, tempeh, and some other stuff I’ve never heard of)
Nuts
Fruit

Stuff to Make it Taste Good
Seasonings
Oil
Sauces
Spreads (i.e. Vegenaise)
Peppers
Onions, Garlic, Ginger and so forth

Stuff I Need to Invest In
A kick ass chopping knife
Food processor
Bread Maker
*GOOD* blender
Juicer

Not so bad at all.  I made roasted butternut squash soup, enough for the week (that’s another key, I think, to make enough for lots of leftovers so you don’t have to cook 3 hours a day).  I attempted to make pizza (scratch dough and sauce), but that was a flop.  Normally I don’t FLOP in the kitchen, but my usual winging it improvisational style didn’t fly so well, this one requires precision, plus I don’t have the right kitchen gear (pizza stone, baking sheets purchased after 1994, real oven mitts ... oh yes I’m that new). 

The good news, with the pizza fixin’s in my fridge, I whipped up this lunch in the time it takes to boil pasta:

Whole Wheat Penne - pantry
Canned Corn - pantry
Leftover Roasted Bell Peppers & Onions & Mushrooms from pizza night
Pesto leftover from pizza night
Olive Oil - pantry
Sea Salt

Put all the stuff in the bowl with the pasta, microwave for one minute, MMMMMM!  I think I could learn to like this lifestyle change stuff.  It’s a far cry from my usual pop-a-lean-cuisine-in-microwave routine. 

Another thing I did over the weekend is surf various vegan blogs and podcasts.  Some are fantastic, some really turn me off.  I’m not really loving the *angry vegan* thing.  I don’t get it.  What’s with all the whining? 

“Nobody understands us, it’s so hard being a vegan!”

“I just want to laugh at people that pronounce Vegan wrong don’t you?  People are so stupid, it’s just so hard to be us.”

“I came out to my parents and they were so not supportive of my veganism.”

“OH MY GOD MY ROOMMATE COOKED A CHICKEN IN MY PAN CAN YOU BELIEVE IT I WANTED TO KILL HIM!!!” (It’s just, you know, the irony.  lol)

“She used to be vegan but then she ate a ham sandwich, STUPID FUCKING EVIL BITCH!!!!!!!!”

I mean, it’s all rather absurd to me.  Maybe I’m missing some underlying religion to all of this but I ask you, what the fuck is so complicated about “I’ve given up dairy and meat for a variety of reasons, please pass the steamed veggies.” ?

To change the world, you just can’t be an asshole, nobody will listen.  That is all I have to say about that. 

For anybody that read my post about the Stila lipstick that I’m in lurve with, I just wanted to let you know that if you’re interested in trying these out, I discovered a very similar and much cheaper product over the weekend—these right here. 

I bought a couple of them because they looked the same (see Stila’s here) and I once read that different cosmetics companies order the same product from the same source, throwing on different logos is the only real difference.  I am not saying that’s the case here, I have no idea (nor do I care), but for $2.99 a piece I figured might as well give it a shot.  Happy I did. 

The flavor is different, a bit more minty, but otherwise pretty much the same only cheaper.  In fact!  I put Stila on one lip and WNW on the other and I couldn’t tell them apart.  Well, one of them felt $11-plus-shipping more fancier, way down deep in my heart.